"Don't worry about it" has always been an answer that's left me unsettled. I remember hearing it most when I was young and would pepper every adult I could find with questions about the complexity of the universe (apparently not everyone was interested in exactly how magnets pull on each other). My aversion to that answer didn't fade away with my childhood, either. Being the painfully inquisitive person I am, I would certainly test my professors patience all throughout my studies in Theology, never willing to just accept things just because that's the way they're written in a textbook.
What began as youthful curiosity led to a genuine concern about my skeptical nature. I wondered if it was wrong for me to have doubts about theology, about religion, about my belief system, or even about science the way the world teaches it. At times, I was even ashamed by it.
I love reading about the disciples because I feel like I can relate to them. They're committed to following Jesus, yes, but they're also a bunch of goofy young men who make mistakes and have flaws. The story I find so relatable here is in John 20:25 where Thomas declares "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe". It wasn't good enough for Thomas that his friends saw Jesus, he had to experience it himself.
Of course this interaction earned him the title "Doubting Thomas", and many throughout history looked down upon him. I love Jesus' answer, though. He didn't chastise Thomas. He didn't rebuke him. He simply said "Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."
Do you ever have doubt like Thomas, or me? Do you, at times, wonder if Jesus is there in the room with you? May you not feel ashamed or bury your doubt, but take it to Jesus. Just like he had Thomas feel his side, I'm confident Jesus will draw close to you in a way that gives peace and breathes life! May your doubts find rest. May you believe!